As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you inspire me to be a worse person
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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