i don't like sucking hair
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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