I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
