2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
