Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize