If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize