he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
