I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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