South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
