Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
