hell yes lets make some ravioli
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
