i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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