he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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