Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
