Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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