My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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