my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
