how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize