Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
