Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
