Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have feelings that need drinking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
