my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
