It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is my gift to your gina
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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