Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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