Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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