someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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