I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
