Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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