so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
