I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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