i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
