I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
