what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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