Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
