Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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