everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
