I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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