i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
