You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
