So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
