Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
