You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
