looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
