I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
