He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bring money and cleavage
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
