So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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