Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
