My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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