Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
