Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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