she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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