you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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