have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
