The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
