went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
