Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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