Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This baby is an asshole
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
