:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
