I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
