She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
love makes seman taste better
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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